Marriage and Family Counseling New York Long Island Manhattan

Wow, I am always amazed at how fast time flies by. I can’t believe it is September! There are lots of shifts taking place right now. I find that this can be a harried time for all, whether you have kids going back to school or not. It just seems that September is a time for everyone to get back to work or on top of things that were put to the way side over the hot month of August. It is time to cool down and mother-nature is letting us know with the recent shift in temperatures.

I wanted to mention that Counseling Corner MFT is happy to announce that we had a very nice turnout at the recent open house in the new Albertson office. It was great to meet so many new faces and get a sense of the needs in that local community. A free parent workshop was held there on how to effectively communicate with your child/teen around sensitive issues. We plan to offer this workshop again and others throughout the year to support our mission in creating successful relationships.

Since the temps have been cooling down, or at least the humidity, I thought it appropriate that this month’s featured topic focus on cooling down in our relationships. Anger is a hot topic and we have much success helping our clients to understand the role of anger in their relationships. This month’s edition offers some tips on how to effectively keep a relationship cool.

Often people present in therapy with issues of anger. Whether it is an individual who believes s/he has a problem with their anger and may want to work on managing it more effectively, or another family member (friend, colleague or employer) has told them they have a problem and they need help. Either way, in the marriage and family therapy (MFT) world, we understand the various behaviors (or styles) of anger within a social system—in other words, in their relationships. It is within this relational context that we help our clients to understand how anger is maintained and its role in maintaining certain relationships.

Most people do not enjoy being angry. There are some individuals who get a natural high from being angry, or being around someone that is angry. In most cases, however, people do not like the way they behave when they are angry. Most people feel bad or guilty after they have been angry or expressed themselves in a negative fashion. Some choose to ignore their feelings and deny that anything is bothering them or that they have done anything wrong. Everyone has different ways of dealing with their anger, but everyone gets angry. Our individual anger styles can be traced throughout our development, back to our family-of-origin (FOO). Our FOO has offered models for how we deal with emotions. We learn whether or not anger is a good thing or a bad thing. We also learn whether or not to address conflict directly or to avoid and let it escalate.

There are effective and ineffective ways for expressing anger that will make a difference in a relationship. Having healthy emotional boundaries will help you to keep your cool in your relationships.

Emotional boundaries are the protective gate around us. This gate defines where you begin and end, and another person begins and ends. Boundaries are limits established by owning your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, values, and beliefs. When you are presented with a conflict, having healthy emotional boundaries will allow you to determine whether the issue is about you or the other person. You will be less likely to take the other persons approach as a personal attack and recognize that this person is experiencing the situation in their own way. Your response will be non-threatening and more inviting to the possibility of exploring what the other person is experiencing. The other person will also be more open to understanding your experience and hearing your needs, the result--a greater understanding of each other and a cooler relationship.

Building healthy emotional boundaries is important to having a successful relationship, whether it is with your spouse/partner, teen/child, sibling, co-worker, etc. Healthy boundary development takes practice, daily awareness, and sometimes requires coaching. If you need support with your anger or boundary building, we are here to help with our individual, couple and family therapy services and our 10-week anger management program.

1) Listen and reflect—hear what the other person is saying and reflect/mirror back what you are hearing and check to make sure you are getting it all.

2) Validate the Other Person --When an issue arises or someone approaches you about something that is bothering them, put all your thoughts in feelings in a bag and put it to the side for a moment (don’t worry about it right yet, we will get to it). Listen curiously to the other person and try to understand his/her view.

3) Be open to compromise--Ask that person what it is that he or she needs and try to come up with a solution that will help that person and that you are willing to do.

4) Ask to be heard—let the other know that you also would like to express your experience and if they could do the first three steps with you.

5) Keep the Defenses Low –Be aware of negative behaviors such as blaming, name-calling, sarcasm, ignoring etc., that will contribute to the relationship breakdown. Eliminate these negative behaviors so that the other person is less likely to attack--leaving yourself in a safer position. Take responsibility for your own safety!

Comments or questions? Email us at info@couplesandfamilies.com.

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Take advantage of this time of getting back into the groove of things and put some attention on your relationships. CCMFT is offering two great programs that will help you to create successful relationships. Start by choosing either our Marriage Prep/Pre-Marital Program for couples who are engaged to be married, considering marriage, have been married and need to get back to the basics, or just want help with their relationship. This is a 10 session structured program that will keep you focused and provide sustainable results. We also offer a 10 session Anger Management Program that will give you the support you need to better understand the role of anger in your life and relationships. We take our clients through a series of sessions that build on one another through exercises, exploration and hands-on practice of better relating skills.

Marriage Prep: A Toolbox for Today’s Couples

Our new premarital program is a culmination of years of experience in helping folks prepare for and maintain healthy marriages. This 10-session program gives you the beginner’s tools that most likely no one ever told you about—it is a toolbox of topics that newlyweds commonly present in couples treatment.

Here is your chance to get a head start and likely avoid or greatly reduce many newlywed arguments! With our program, you and your partner can get off to a terrific start—and the honeymoon may not ever end!

• Identify family of origin issues that impact your relationship

• Assess your couple traits and how these may affect your marriage

• Learn healthy ways to build relationships with in-laws

• Gain tools to effectively deal with popular topics in new marriages including communication, sex and money

• Learn how to establish healthy boundaries in your marriage

*It is important to note that while we do not have a religious piece to the program, the topic is one that can be included if the client desires.

Let us help you and your partner begin your journey of commitment on a healthy track.

Contact us today for information about fees and meeting locations. If you are unable to attend group sessions, or desire a more personalized format, we can customize the program to weekly sessions for you and your partner.

$100-$135 for individual (one-on-one) sessions (45-minute sessions). Payment collected at each individual session. *Discounts available for upfront payments of 10 sessions program.

$600 for 10 week GROUP program *when groups apply.

*Payment plans available for all groups.

$125 initial intake session (each client/couple is required to meet with the group facilitator prior to starting the group for 45 minutes)

**Credit Card, Cash, and Check accepted at this time.

Contact us today! (212) 537-9313 or (516) 665-7889 ext. 1
Reserve your spot today or to talk with a therapist regarding our other services.
email: info@couplesandfamilies.com

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Learn effective tools for dealing with anger in your relationships. Anger is an emotion that we all experience when we feel vulnerable or attacked. The group will teach you effective ways for managing and expressing anger. Anger is explored in the context of relationships and tools for improving relationships will be provided. The goals of the 10-week program are:

• To increase awareness of anger expression patterns
• To learn how our anger experience is shaped by our development and what we can learn from our family and environment
• To identify current and past situations that fuel anger
• To identify responsibilities in the current anger situation that resulted in either a self or outside referral
• To develop specific ways to de-escalate potentially violent situations
• To decrease verbal and physical manifestations of anger, aggression, or violence while increasing awareness and acceptance of emotions

*Participants will receive a certificate of completion.