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Relationship Solutions
E-Newsletter
Message from the
Director
~Today I will take the time
to say something positive to nurture my
relationship.
Hello and welcome to our spring edition of
Relationship Solutions! Although April
is quickly moving on, it does not mean you
have to let another day or even a month pass
by without feeding your relationships. Our
relationships need to be nurtured to grow
and sometimes we need to water more than
other times. Staying conscious about the
care of our relationships will help to keep
them going (or growing) strong.
This month’s edition shares some key ways to
“shower” your relationship so that it
blooms. By working to establish clear
boundaries you will be protecting your
relationship and the quality of your
experiences together. We hope that you take
care to implement these steps as part of
your relationship work with us. Remember
small steps can make a big difference so
take one step forward today. Hold onto the
affirmation above and keep it close to you.
Our mission is to create successful
relationships, so we have implemented
10-week programs as part of our services
offered. Our programs are focused, goal
oriented and successful with our clients.
Take advantage of our Pre-Marital (for
couples planning to marry or considering),
Anger Management for Individuals, and Anger
Management for Couples.
Contact us today to get more information
on these highly effective programs.
Best wishes,
Cari Sans
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Featured Article
As the saying goes, “April showers bring May
flowers.” All I can say is that we must be
looking forward to many, many blooms due to
the rain that we have been having lately! I
personally have observed the beautiful
purple hue of the crocuses in my front yard
for about a week now and am anxious to see
what else recurs this year in the soil. In a
few weeks I will be planting my annual
pansies along the front walk and feed them
every day so that by mid-Summer I will be
able to see and appreciate the bounty of my
work.
There are many metaphors for a relationship
and gardening can be one of them. If you
plant something and nurture it, eventually
you will be able to appreciate the beauty of
the entire process. Along the way there may
be some insects or critters that attempt to
chip away at the growth, but if you take
enough care, you will be able to fend off
these attempts.
One way to preserve your relationship is by
drawing boundaries in and around it. Drawing
boundaries around the two of you will be
helpful on a number of levels: it gets you
more connected with one another, allows a
safe space to further invest in your
relationship, creates clear rules about the
partnership for yourselves and others, and
it says to people outside of the couple that
they aren’t allowed to enter your space and
attempt to weaken your bond.
How does a couple draw boundaries? There are
many ways to answer this question because
there are many examples that could be cited.
The main idea is that you are standing
together and drawing a line around your
“we-ness.” If you think visually, imagine
your yard around your house. Drawing a
boundary is like saying, “Here is our yard
and here is a fence around its perimeter. We
get to determine what comes in or goes out
of the fence.”
For further illustration, a boundary can be
as simple as a couple deciding how long to
spend at a relative’s house for a holiday
and sticking to that time frame. Or, it can
be more complex such as negotiating how much
input should be allowed from others
regarding major life decisions like buying a
home. You can draw a boundary with your
kids, too. For example, making a date night
every other Friday night so that you can
reignite the passion in your couplehood.
Boundaries can also be a good way to model
to children good relationship skills so that
they might have healthy relationships in the
future.
In summary, boundary-drawing is an essential
piece of a couple’s relationship for a
multitude of reasons. Here’s hoping that the
two of you further invest in your
relationships so that you too can enjoy the
fruits of your labor. Best of luck to you
and your partner as you implement boundaries
in your relationship!
Tips to keep in mind when drawing
boundaries:
• Understand that everyone is entitled to
their thoughts, feelings and attitudes. And
that these concepts may have been
long-established due to a multitude of
reasons i.e. family of origin influence,
misinformation and so on. The difficulty
begins when people attempt to steamroll
their thoughts and feelings on others, thus
disrespecting others’ boundaries.
• Clear communication is key. In a
partnership, communication offers the
opportunity to create a safe space to
process events so that you don’t end up
attacking one another. Often, we recommend
using “I Statements” to begin a discussion.
For instance, “When you said _____, I felt
_____.” This format is direct and succinct,
and also allows you to be vulnerable and
invest in the relationship. Chances are that
if you take this approach, then your
conversation partner will respond in a less
hostile manner. It also allows for you to
take responsibility for your feelings and
not blame—which promotes more harmony.
• Model a non-reactive stance. When others
are not fighting fair, it may not be helpful
for you to do the same thing, because you
may become caught in a cycle of
non-productive talk that might be hurtful to
all parties involved. In short, command
respect by showing people how you would like
to be treated.
• Pick your battles. While it would be ideal
if no one violated another person’s
boundaries, a reality more often than not is
that this happens frequently. The challenge
is balancing the concepts of standing up for
yourself and your partner and exerting
energy on those who just aren’t able to hear
you.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed, take care
to protect your partnership and consider
seeking help from a qualified professional
such as a licensed marriage and family
therapist. You can always give us a call and
we would be happy to get you started!
Comments or questions? Email us at info@couplesandfamilies.com.
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Upcoming Events
Reserve your spot now for our two group
programs!
Marriage Prep: A Toolbox for
Today’s Couples
Our new premarital program is a culmination
of years of experience in helping folks
prepare for and maintain healthy marriages.
This 10-session program gives you the
beginner’s tools that most likely no one
ever told you about—it is a toolbox of
topics that newlyweds commonly present in
couples treatment.
Here is your chance to get a head start and
likely avoid or greatly reduce many newlywed
arguments! With our program, you and your
partner can get off to a terrific start—and
the honeymoon may not ever end!
• Identify family of origin issues that
impact your relationship
• Assess your couple traits and how these
may affect your marriage
• Learn healthy ways to build relationships
with in-laws
• Gain tools to effectively deal with
popular topics in new marriages including
communication, sex and money
• Learn how to establish healthy boundaries
in your marriage
*It is important to note that while we do
not have a religious piece to the program,
the topic is one that can be included if the
client desires.
Let us help you and your partner begin your
journey of commitment on a healthy track.
Contact us today for information about fees
and meeting locations. If you are unable to
attend group sessions, or desire a more
personalized format, we can customize the
program to weekly sessions for you and your
partner.
Fees:
$600 10 week program
*Payment plans available.
$125 initial intake
session (each couple is required to
meet with the group facilitator prior to
starting the group for 45 minutes)
**Credit Card, Cash,
and Check
accepted at this time.
$125-$135 for individual
(one-on-one) sessions (45-minute sessions).
Payment collected at each individual
session.
Contact us today! (212)
537-9313 or (516) 665-7889 ext. 1
Reserve your spot today or to talk with
a therapist regarding our other services.
email:
info@couplesandfamilies.com
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10-Week Anger Management Group
(Manhattan Office)
Learn effective
tools for dealing with anger in your
relationships. Anger is an emotion that we
all experience when we feel vulnerable or
attacked. The group will teach you effective
ways for managing and expressing anger.
Anger is explored in the context of
relationships and tools for improving
relationships will be provided. The goals of
the 10-week program are:
• To increase awareness of anger expression
patterns
• To learn how our anger experience is
shaped by our development and what we can
learn from our family and environment
• To identify current and past situations
that fuel anger
• To identify responsibilities in the
current anger situation that resulted in
either a self or outside referral
• To develop specific ways to de-escalate
potentially violent situations
• To decrease verbal and physical
manifestations of anger, aggression, or
violence while increasing awareness and
acceptance of emotions
*Participants will receive a certificate of
completion.
Saturdays~
Manhattan Office
(Individual sessions
available on Mondays-Saturdays Manhattan and
Rockville Centre Offices)
Contact us to register and reserve your
spot!
Fees:
$600 10 week program
*Payment plans available.
$80 initial intake
session (each participant is required to
meet with the group facilitator prior to
starting the group for 45 minutes)
**Credit Card, Cash,
and Check
accepted at this time.
$125-$135 for individual
(one-on-one) sessions (45-minute sessions).
Payment collected at each individual
session.
Contact us today! (212)
537-9313 or (516) 665-7889 ext. 1
Reserve your spot today or to talk with
a therapist regarding our other services.
email:
info@couplesandfamilies.com
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The
Relationship
Solutions
newsletter
is written
with
relationships
in mind.
Our staff,
trained in
marriage and
family
therapy, are
dedicated to
helping
individuals,
couples and
families
improve
their
relationships.
Every month
you will
find
effective
tools for
building the
kind of
relationship
that works,
and feel
confident
about how to
make the
changes you
need. If you
are
struggling
with a
relationship,
maybe with
your spouse,
spouse-to-be,
your parent,
sibling or
your
children,
then contact
Counseling
Corner for
Marriage and
Family
Therapy,
P.C., and
find out how
we can help.
Get help
with
resolving
relationship
problems and
feel
empowered to
resolve
future
issues!
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Disclaimer:
Relationship Solutions was
created to provide useful
tidbits, to trigger thoughts
and provide resources. It is
not intended in any way to
be therapeutic. If you
believe you require further
assistance than is provided
here, please contact a
trained psychotherapist.
Contact Us for further
assistance and resources.
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