Marriage and Family Counseling New York Long Island Manhattan

Welcome to our August edition of Relationship Solutions! I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and taking time to kick back and relax. This edition comes to you just as I am about to start my vacation week. I look forward to this week every summer where I get to take the time for me and my family. My husband and I opted to stay home and take care of our home and explore Long Island, so I am very happy to not be worrying about traveling. Of course, the beach is going to be on my agenda. For me relaxing in the sun with the ocean breeze is so peaceful and sometimes that is exactly what is needed. How about you? Do you have any plans to slow down before the summer ends?

Our feature topic this month recognizes the need for self care and remembering to do this on a regular basis. We can often neglect this important task in our lives and by doing so we not only neglect ourselves but our relationships. If you take the time and set the appropriate boundaries, in other words take care of self, you will reap the benefits personally and interpersonally.

Happy caring days to you!

Summer is a perfect time for self-care.

As we motor along through August, I find myself focused on making the most of the warm Summer days—flip flops, no coat, and the idea that in order to run an errand, you don’t need to tote as much as you would during colder months. Clearly I am not a fan of the “s” word (that precipitation that appears in cold weather—usually in flake form) and I am trying incessantly to enjoy the balmy weather as much as possible.

This weekend I had the rare opportunity to sit on the beach and enjoy the melody of the waves while the sun beat down on the sand all around me. In between work projects that I had brought along with me, I listened to the sounds—the powerful ocean, people’s conversations and the sea gull who had perched itself on top of the “Keep off the dunes” sign. The gull in particular was the loudest, expelling a strange cry approximately every fifteen minutes or so. Not being an expert on the creatures, I am not sure whether it was a mating call—however it seemed to be desperate to get someone’s attention.

As I was listening to all the miraculous noises around me and enjoying the view of the beautiful waves crashing on shore, I felt a feeling that is rare for me these days—that of total relaxation. It occurred to me at that moment that this is one of the most important gifts we as humans can give ourselves—self care. However it not just a gift in and of itself—it is an essential piece of our growth as individuals.

Now, the idea of self-care is one that is discussed in the therapy room fairly frequently, so I am familiar with the concept. However, like an old collectible, every now and again a tool such as this resurfaces for me and I dust it off for examination and implementation—appreciating again its value and importance—and reviving that feeling of excitement as when I first discovered it.

It’s so easy to get caught up in all aspects of our life and one can understandingly forget how important it is to take care of oneself. Prior to trekking to the beach that day, I was feeling run-down—as if I was on a treadmill of sorts. I had been working and attending to my daily tasks for so long that I had forgotten to take care of me.

As I was appreciating my few hours of “me time,” I reflected on one of the family therapy greats named Virginia Satir who talked, among other things, about the importance of self care and its essentiality to our growth as humans—and therefore its powerful impact on our relationships. Satir embraced a holistic view of humans that emphasized the interaction of body, mind and feelings.

With this in mind, I leave you this issue with some food for thought. Below are Satir’s Five Freedoms, which I hope that you might consider incorporating into your life as a precursor to authoring your own “Self-Care Routine.”

Until next issue, take some time out for you—whether it is simply a silent 10 minutes of meditation in the evening with your favorite cup of tea or visiting a place that brings you inner peace. Try to follow your “Self-Care Routine” on a regular basis. You might be surprised by the positive ripple effects in your relationships. Be well.

The Five Freedoms

1. The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be.

2. The freedom to say what one feels and thinks, instead of what one should.

3. The freedom to feel what one feels, instead of what one ought.

4. The freedom to ask for what one wants, instead of always waiting for permission.

5. The freedom to take risks in one’s own behalf, instead of choosing to be only “secure” and “not rocking the boat.”

Reserve your spot now for our two group programs!

Marriage Prep: A Toolbox for Today’s Couples

Our new premarital program is a culmination of years of experience in helping folks prepare for and maintain healthy marriages. This 10-session program gives you the beginner’s tools that most likely no one ever told you about—it is a toolbox of topics that newlyweds commonly present in couples treatment.

Here is your chance to get a head start and likely avoid or greatly reduce many newlywed arguments! With our program, you and your partner can get off to a terrific start—and the honeymoon may not ever end!

• Identify family of origin issues that impact your relationship

• Assess your couple traits and how these may affect your marriage

• Learn healthy ways to build relationships with in-laws

• Gain tools to effectively deal with popular topics in new marriages including communication, sex and money

• Learn how to establish healthy boundaries in your marriage

*It is important to note that while we do not have a religious piece to the program, the topic is one that can be included if the client desires.

Let us help you and your partner begin your journey of commitment on a healthy track.

Contact us today for information about fees and meeting locations. If you are unable to attend group sessions, or desire a more personalized format, we can customize the program to weekly sessions for you and your partner.

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10-Week Anger Management Group (Manhattan Office)

We are close to starting our next Anger Management program in the Manhattan office. We are hoping for a few more individuals to reserve a spot and hope to start soon. If you are interested in this group, please contact our Intake Coordinator at (212) 537-9313 ext. 1 to reserve a spot today.

Learn effective tools for dealing with anger in your relationships. Anger is an emotion that we all experience when we feel vulnerable or attacked. The group will teach you effective ways for managing and expressing anger. Anger is explored in the context of relationships and tools for improving relationships will be provided. The goals of the 10-week program are:
• To increase awareness of anger expression patterns
• To learn how our anger experience is shaped by our development and what we can learn from our family and environment
• To identify current and past situations that fuel anger
• To identify responsibilities in the current anger situation that resulted in either a self or outside referral
• To develop specific ways to de-escalate potentially violent situations
• To decrease verbal and physical manifestations of anger, aggression, or violence while increasing awareness and acceptance of emotions

*Participants will receive a certificate of completion.

A new group starting September--register today!

Saturdays 11:00am-12:30pm; Manhattan Office

(Individual sessions available on Mondays-Saturdays Manhattan and Rockville Centre Offices)

Contact us to register and reserve your spot!

$600 10 week program

*Payment plans available.

$80 initial intake session (each participant is required to meet with the group facilitator prior to starting the group for 45 minutes)

**Credit Card, Cash, and Check accepted at this time.

$125 for individual (one-on-one) sessions (45-minute sessions). Payment collected at each individual session.

Contact us today! (212) 537-9313 ext. 1
Reserve your spot today or to talk with a therapist regarding our other services.
email: cari@couplesandfamilies.com

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CCMFT is offering a new program that significantly reduces the cost for therapy. This program allows you to make use of our services at a cost of $50 per session (45-minutes). You will be working with a second year student intern who will be supervised by a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

This program is currently available in the Rockville Centre, Long Island office only on Saturdays. Contact us today to get more information about this amazing new program!

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